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Spicy Crab Cakes with Sriracha Aioli & Pineapple Kiwi Salsa (paleo, Whole30)

August 24, 2013December 29, 2014Life, Recipes2 Comments

This not your momma’s polite little garden party crab cake. This crab cakes sits legs splayed in a skirt, puts its cigarette out in your sweet tea, and gives you a snarl.

A note here on making aioli. For the love of all things holy, follow the instructions. Your instructions using a whisk? Break that bad boy out. Found instructions for a Vitamix? Use that. I am aioli-retarded and can’t seem to make it – ever – to save my life. Why? Because I don’t listen. I started out this meal’s mayo sojurn with an immersion blender using a recipe written for a whisk-using over-achiever – and made a runny, kinda broken mess. I then Googled ways to fix the mess – and ended up wasting another 2 eggs in the process. I threw the whole batch out, grabbed my Vitamix, Googled Vitamix-specific instructions, and went to town. I waited until the noise of the aioli whipping around the blender changed – until it sounded like slaps instead of whirring madness – and I still thought I’d screwed something up – until I let the mayo sit and it firmed up on its own. So, take it from me: calm the crap down. Calm down and follow directions and your aioli will turn out just fine. No need to use half a bottle of grapeseed oil & over half a dozen eggs in the process.

Spicy Crab Cakes with Sriracha Aioli & Pineapple Kiwi Salsa (paleo, Whole30)

8 ounces crab (lump or claw, canned is perfect here)
2 tsp. brown mustard (I use Gulden’s spicy)
1/4 c. paleo aioli
2 Tbsp. coconut flour
1.5 tsp. chipotle powder
1 scallion
1 tsp. sea salt
1/4 tsp. white pepper

Drain the crab and pick through for errant shells. Drop into a large bowl. Slice the scallions thinly and add to the bowl. Add the rest of the ingredients and stir to combine.

Form into patties and place on a parchment-lined plate. Chill 30 minutes to let firm up a bit.

While your patties are chilling, make the salsa.

1 kiwi
1/4 pineapple
1 shallot
2 Tbsp. cilantro
1/2 jalapeno, seeded

Scoop the kiwi out of its fuzzy jacket and chop finely. Chop the pineapple finely. Dice the shallot. Chop the cilantro. Dice the jalapeno. Combine all in a small bowl and store in the fridge until dinner is ready – you want this to sit about half an hour, so the flavors have a chance to mingle.

While everything else is chilling, take about a 1/4 of a cup aioli and add a teaspoon or two of Whole30 sriracha to make your sauce. Set aside in a small dish.

When it’s time to cook the patties, heat 1-2 Tbsp. coconut oil over medium heat. Add the patties and cook about 4 minutes per side, or until nicely browned.

Serve topped with the salsa and aioli.

Serves 2 for dinner.

Whole30 – Day 23

August 23, 2013December 30, 2014Life, Whole30Leave a Comment

Tonight’s dinner could have been a disaster, but by deciding I wasn’t going to let it be, it wasn’t.

Breakfast

My favorite green smoothie, minus the banana.

Lunch

Chicken breast with nectarine, heirloom tomatoes and scallion. Tasty.

Snack

1 ounce sea salt almonds.

Dinner

Went out for BBQ, and the only thing on the menu that was Whole30 compliant is the coriander pork shoulder. So, half a pound of pork it was. And it was good.

Staying Up Way Too Late Watching Torchwood Snack

1 cup cherries, 1/2 cup pineapple.

Whole30 – Day 22

August 22, 2013December 30, 2014Life, Whole30Leave a Comment

Mmmmmmm……. beeeffff.

Breakfast

My favorite green smoothie, minus the banana.

Lunch

Leftover lamb samosa filling and green beans from Tuesday’s dinner. Still delicious.

3 PM Slump Snack

1 ounce sea salt almonds.

Dinner

Slow Cooked Mexican Beef from Nom Nom Paleo with sautéed broccolini and cauliflower “tortillas”. So much yum.

Whole30 – Day 21

August 22, 2013December 30, 2014Life, Whole30Leave a Comment

Another successful, easy day.

Breakfast

My favorite green smoothie, minus the banana.

Lunch

4 ounces leftover roast pork from Whole Foods with 1/2 cup eggplant (1.5 c. raw) sauteed in a Tablespoon or two coconut oil – finished off with a squeeze fresh lemon juice and a good helping of salt. Good, but a little oil-logged and not quite as crispy as I had envisioned. More lemon would have helped.

Dinner

Grass fed top round (which is a bit tough when eaten like a steak), half a container of heirloom tomatoes sprinkled with salt & Japanese 7-spice, and a sautéed orange bell pepper. Satisfying, albeit a touch chewy. But those tomatoes … those tomatoes were the proverbial bomb.

Caramelized Peach, Chicken & Tomato Salad with Sriracha Lime Vinaigrette (paleo, Whole30)

August 17, 2013December 29, 2014Life, RecipesLeave a Comment

Yum. Yuuuuummmmmmmm. Y-U-M. This salad is frickin delicious. On a random Tuesday, I was craving grilled peaches but was too lazy to bust out the grill for a quick lunch, so tossed some peaches along with some cheater roasted chicken from Trader Joe’s and this dish was born. Peaches + heat is a match made in heaven. Why have I been eating them straight all these years?! (oh yeah, because peach juice running down your chin is one of summer’s great touchstones)

Caramelized Peach, Chicken & Tomato Salad with Sriracha Lime Vinaigrette (paleo, Whole30)

1 breast roasted chicken (or about a fourth of a package pre-roasted olive oil & black pepper sliced roasted chicken from Trader Joe’s)
1 peach
1 tsp. fat of choice (I’ve used both pork fat and coconut oil, and I must say the pork fat was a touch better here. big shocker)
1 c. (or about a third of a pint) grape or cherry tomatoes
A hand full dry toasted pecans
1 scallion
A few leaves fresh mint
A few leaves fresh basil
Juice of half a lime
1 Tbsp. grapeseed oil
2 tsp. Whole30 sriracha (aka: food of the gods)
Big fat finishing salt

Cut your peaches and chicken into bite-sized pieces while you’re waiting for a medium pan over medium high to reach temperature. Add a teaspoon fat of choice to the pan and follow with the peaches. Sautee, stirring a minute or two and add the chicken. Continue cooking, stirring every minute or two to prevent too much burning until the peaches are caramelized and everything smells heavenly.

While your peaches + chicken are doing their thing, slice the scallions and herbs thin and add to a large bowl with the pecans. Slice the tomatoes in half and add to the bowl.

In a separate small bowl, whisk together the sriracha, grapeseed oil and lime juice.

When the chicken & peaches are done, add to the large bowl. Toss with the dressing and finish with a sprinkle of big fat salt.

Serves 1 for lunch – there may be growling.

Sweet Potato & Zucchini Hash with Pork (paleo, Whole30)

August 10, 2013December 29, 2014Life, RecipesLeave a Comment

I had a craving. Well, two cravings. I wanted my old best friend comfort food – eggs and hashed browns – and a new friend – Thai laarb (a spicy, deeply flavored crispy pork dish). This version of the standby hash is kicked-up in the nutrition department, features bunches of crumbly crispy pork, and uses up everyone’s favorite summer ~~menace~~ staple, zucchini.

Sweet Potato & Zucchini Hash with Pork (paleo, Whole30)

1 pound ground pork
2 tsp. coconut oil
2 tsp. sea salt + more to taste
2 Tbsp. chili powder
1 Tbsp. ground cumin
1 Tbsp. granulated garlic
1 Tbsp. onion powder
2 tsp. ground chipotle
1 large sweet potato
1 medium zucchini
1 small onion
2 eggs per person
fat of choice for the eggs
Whole30 approved sriracha
Black pepper

Heat the coconut oil over medium high and add the pork. Break up with a spoon into the smallest pieces possible and add the spices and salt, stirring after each addition. Sautee until deeply browned and crispy and remove to a bowl (reserving the fat).

While the pork is cooking, grate the sweet potatoes, zucchini and onion. Add to the pan with the reserved pork fat when the pork is resting comfortably. Cook, stirring occasionally, until everything is soft and the sweet potato is beginning to brown in spots. Salt and pepper to taste.

In a separate pan, fry the eggs in a fat of your choice until your desired doneness is reached. Salt and pepper to taste.

Serve topped with sriracha (I used 2 tsp. per serving)

Serves 2 for dinner + 1 for lunch (with 5-6 eggs)

Summer On A Plate – Bacon, Tomato & Peach Salad (paleo, Whole30*)

August 3, 2013December 29, 2014Life, RecipesLeave a Comment

I read something enchanting a few weeks ago: grilled bacon. I saw it somewhere, in some recipe header, and the concept lodged in my brain; unwilling to let go.

Grilled bacon, brain said, in the middle of the night. GrilledBacon, it said, in the afternoon. GRILLED BACON, it screamed, while trying to think of what to have for dinner. So I tried grilling bacon. And … ???? It was just like pan-fried bacon, only more burnt. Still fantabulous, mind you, since I happen to *like* bacon that’s been on fire – but not the best use of my bacony buck. Maybe I should have read the recipe afterall.

Summer On A Plate – Bacon, Tomato & Peach Salad (paleo, Whole30*)

2 strips bacon (check your source for Whole30!)
1/2 pint cherry tomatoes
1 Saturn peach (or any variety, I just so happen to be addicted to the Saturn variety from Trader Joe’s)
3 leaves basil
Citrus salt
Balsamic vinegar (the best quality, thickest you can find)

Crisp your bacon however you see fit, drain on paper towels and chop. Chiffonade the basil, slice the cherry tomatoes in half, and the peaches in thin slices. Combine all and drizzle with balsamic. Finish off with some nice citrus salt.

Serves 1 as a side for dinner or lunch. Easily scaleable to feed more.

*This recipe can be made Whole30 compliant. Bacon isn’t completely verboten, just mostly. According to the Whole30 edict, bacon that is made with no added sugar is clear, which you’re most likely not going to find in the regular grocery store. US Wellness Meats sells Whole30 approved bacon, and your local natural food store, butcher or farmers would be a good place to look as well.

Whole30 Challenge Or, This Crazybananas Thing I’m Doing

August 1, 2013December 30, 2014Life, Whole30Leave a Comment

I’ve decided to monkey with my food habits again. Apparently, I’m some sort of food masochist because I’ve agreed to partake in a Whole30 Challenge with one of my best friends: the lovely and talented mind behind Emery’s Attic and the not-updated-nearly-enough *insert side eye here* OneWomanManyHats (to be fair, she has updated twice in the last month). She’s a warrior, a mother, one crafty b*tch, and has been my go-to for food-related questions/discovery/commiseration since we were teens. In short, she rocks. Let’s see if I still like her after this sojourn into depravation during peak corn-on-the-cob/beer/ice cream season. I know she’s giving me ‘mom eye’ right now, so I’ll quit whining. For now. (but I want wine)

During this month of crazybananas, I’ll be updating the blog more frequently with snaps of, and mini-recipes for, the things I’m eating (for my Nerd Fitness guild/challenge mates, I’ll be posting metrics on my thread as well to help those of you still on the Whole30 fence to hop down and join the fun).

What Is Whole30?

Whole30 is a month-long hard reset for the body. Kind of like paleo on steriods. No sugar (even honey or stevia), grains, dairy or legumes. Just whole, natural foods – like meats, veggies and fruits. Nothing in a package. No soy (mental note: find coconut aminos; Braggs isn’t going to cut it this month). Amend fish sauce buying to conform.

This program is designed to break the back of sugar and carb cravings and give your body a balanced place from which to build healthy habits. It seeks to reset your metabolism, knock out systemic inflammation (that you may not even know you have) and zero out other gut health issues. Have random stomach pain like me? This may help balance that. Irregular? IBS? Feel like crap all the time? Can’t lose weight? Well .. this crazybananas plan might work.

My favorite part of the plan, aside from the reset, is the tough love. This is not hard – not like quitting heroin or beating cancer. Don’t even think about slipping – what you put into your mouth is always a choice. You don’t have to eat anything you don’t want to eat – learn to stick up for yourself, peer pressure is for elementary school students. This will take effort but you will be better for it – especially if you’re a first-timer to cutting out grains and legumes. But … you can do this.

You know what? They’re right. In the grand scheme of things, 30 days is a small amount of time to deal with a little inconvenience. Unless there are roving bands of rapist donuts in your neighborhood; then maybe stay inside and eat what you’re supposed to anyways.

Roasted Cauliflower Steaks (paleo)

July 27, 2013October 24, 2013Life, Recipes3 Comments

I saw the inspiration for this recipe somewhere along my merry food blogger wanderings, though I can’t for the life of me remember where. I read the title, moved on, meant to come back to it, and completely forgot. But somehow the title stuck with me – it was something about cauliflower steaks – and a hankering was born.

My version combines the nuttiness of roast cauliflower with the sweet depth of tahini and a sharp tang from Asiago. Capers would be fantastic here, as would any sort of nice nutty spice blend (za’atar would be dynamite). I served alongside a simple steak, though I could easily see this dish turned into a grilling affair.

Roasted Cauliflower Steaks (paleo)

1 head cauliflower
Coconut oil
Sea salt and black pepper
1-2 tsp. tahini
A sprinkle of fresh asiago or parmesan cheese – omit if you are cutting dairy

Preheat your oven to 400F and line a baking sheet with foil.

Cut your cauliflower into 1/2 inch thick steaks – leaving the stem on for cutting helps. I had a medium head and ended up with 3 steaks + a bunch of florets.

Lay your steaks on the prepared baking sheet and brush with coconut oil. You might want to pour the oil into a separate dish to dip into or you just may end up with a little relative density of cauliflower vs coconut oil science project. Sprinkle with salt and pepper.

Broil 25 minutes, or until the steaks are browned and smell nutty – make sure to flip halfway through to avoid burning.

When the steaks are browned, brush with tahini and sprinkle with parmesan. Broil until the cheese is melted.

Serves 2 as a side with enough florets leftover for a nice lunch.

Thai-Inspired Brussels Sprouts & Chicken Stir-Fry (paleo)

July 20, 2013October 24, 2013Life, RecipesLeave a Comment

This dish was inspired by the best plate of brussels sprouts I’ve ever eaten. One of my DH and my favorite restaurants right now is Talde, an Asian/American mashup restaurant and bar helmed by the incredibly lovely and gracious in person Dale Talde (of quick-tempered Top Chef fame). Sadly, Talde is an only occasional treat as pretty much nothing I love best is ever paleo. Bacon & egg ramen with buttered toast broth, people. Pretzel pork & chive dumplings. Pad thai with fried oysters. Korean fried chicken. Seriously delicious stuff here. Talde had a brussels side one night that was fantastic. Stellar, even. Unforgettable.

This recipe is no way even remotely close to that flavor bomb, but it’s pretty darn good in its own right. Deeply flavored, intense in a good way; this makes a very satisfying weeknight meal for two. And, since it’s not a huge dish, it won’t break the gut bank, either.

Thai-Inspired Brussels Sprouts & Chicken Stir-Fry (paleo)

3 cloves garlic
Tiny white onion – ping pong ball sized (or 3 Tbsp. finely diced)
1/2 inch ginger
Sesame oil
10 ounce shaved brussels sprouts (be forewarned: if you buy your brussels pre-shaved, they may be a bit bitter after cooking – that doesn’t bother me, but if it does you, shred your own – making sure to remove the core – with a food processor or box grater)
3 boneless, skinless chicken thighs
2 Tbsp. sesame seeds
1 Tbsp. fish sauce
1 Tbsp. Bragg’s liquid aminos (coconut aminos)
1 tsp. Chili garlic sauce (I use the brand with the chicken – like sriracha)
Lime juice would be stellar but I didn’t have any on hand

Mince the garlic, onion and ginger. Bring 2 tsp. sesame oil up to temperature in a wok or large skillet set over medium-high. Add the aromatics and stir until fragrant, about a minute or two.

Add the brussels and stir-fry until wilted and beginning to brown. While that is working, de-fat your chicken and cut into bite-sized chunks.

Add the chicken with an additional 2 tsp. sesame oil. Stir-fry. When the chicken goes opaque, add the sesame seeds and cook an additional 2-3 minutes.

Add the fish sauce, coconut aminos and chili garlic sauce. Some lime would be fantastic here as well. Let go an additional 2 or so minutes, or until the sauce has mostly evaporated and everything looks and smells intoxicating.

Serves 2 for dinner.

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